There's a question football fans have asked themselves this off season, and it alludes to the record column in Denver: Can John Elway and Peyton Manning REALLY get it up?
They won nine games with Tim Tebow. But Tebow and his crucifix were run out of town for the very well-known and well-liked Manning brother. Yes, we're talking about Archie's favorite son.
Out goes Tebow and In enters a 38-year-old Peyton Manning - an old, battered and bruised white boy from Tennessee who knows how to strike a chord.
I mean, he still looks like he can tune that old guitar, but it's going to be another story when he goes to play it. And Peyton hasn't played his guitar soundly since 2009. Well..2010 was a good year and all statistically, but if you watched Peyton that year you'd know he showed signs of wear. He missed the whole year afterward, and he's getting a little long in the root if you know what I mean. A lot of people aren't sure with this neck injury and old age he'll be playing with if he can even hold up for an entire season.
And he is old (36). You know you're getting old when your own neck is 'sharting'.And it's messy.
Is Manning a complete poop? Unlikely. Is he going to the Superbowl? Whoa, let's get to the toilet, first.
In all seriousness, Manning and the Broncos have one of the toughest schedules in the NFL this year. Manning faces the Steelers, Falcons, Texans, Raiders and Patriots to start the season. The Raiders don't exactly have a picnic either, playing five early games on the east coast, which they've struggled doing in the past. But this season I think the Raiders will be a better team.
Yes, I said it. The Raiders will be a better team than the Broncos.
Do they have the better quarterback?
I may be slowly nodding my head with my fist in my mouth as I type this, but I think maybe they do. Going forward, I'd definitely go with Carson Palmer over Peyton Manning. He's five years younger (33) and he plays in California eight games a year. Manning plays in Denver eight games a year.
The thing about Carson Palmer what some still don't realize or choose to ignore is that he has been fully healthy and fully recovered from his arm injuries and has had half a regular season plus a full off-season now to gain some continuity with his teammates. A lot of people just assume he's going to be hovering at just above average, along with this new Reggie McKenzie/Dennis Allen Raiders team. There aren't huge expectations.
A lot of people assume Peyton Manning will be hovering at the top of the AFC, batting 1000 and crapping thunder. High expectations. A lot of Superbowl chatter.
I haven't heard one analyst mention who was at the front of the Denver defense last year, giving Tim Tebow his chances to throw duck after duck with an occasional "holy ****". That man was Dennis Allen, who made that Denver defense play a lot better as a unit than they actually were.
John Fox maybe pitched in some on the game plan but Allen always had the call on Sunday. Which gives him a year of coaching in the AFC West, so that's a leg up for him and the Raiders as he helps with new defensive coordinator Jason Tarver's game plan.
All I'm trying to point out here is that the Raiders have a realistic shot to take the division. Not everyone in the AFC West will see Peyton Manning and politely fall on their face. Now that 'psycho' Todd is gone from Kansas City, the Chiefs think they can run away with the division with Jamaal Charles and Peyton Hillis leading the chase. Heck - they even think they have a quarterback. "God bless em", as Tim Tebow would say.
Denver obviously believes that they'll have their neck in it. A lot of people think they've already won it. Yeah, that's a lot of poop.
Who will actually take the West? Or should I say, who will "pin the tail on the donkey"?
I would like to automatically rule out the Chargers. No matter how many times Phillip Rivers tries to cover for his head coach..it's a lame duck year. Again. Even if the Chargers manage to get into the playoffs, they won't win. Whenever they try to 'lean like a Charger' - people punch them in the face. Until they can learn how to stop that, I'd say they're not a realistic team to win the West and go deep into the playoffs.
I really think the Chiefs have a better chance. They'll probably have a better defense and running game, too. Who knows if that Denver defense will get Manning the ball as much as they did for Tim Tebow last year. I'd say it's unlikely.
Assuming Peyton Manning will stay healthy, I know he's not going to suck.
To me, Manning is playing to not only prove he's not an idiot (for choosing Denver over SF AND Tennessee), but that he's better than his little brother. So that's some motivation for sure. He's not the only quarterback motivated though. When you got Rivers playing to keep his head coach, Cassell playing to keep a starting job in the NFL beyond this season and Palmer looking to show he belongs in the top ten quarterback discussion again..that's a lot of competition butting heads.
This should be the most competitive this division has been in a while. I like the Raiders though, flying under the radar with all the cameras on Manning and Rivers to take the division. Raider Nation should be excited. It's going to get really, really hairy this year in the AFC West.
Get your nuts out and your cheese dips ready..because the pigskin flying around in Oakland this year should make for one 'baconated' game of ball.
This content of this article comes from the twisted mind of AJ DeMello and is for entertainment and comedy purposes only. For more of his jokes and one liners follow A.J. @humorousfiend
AJ, what style writing do you call this? Not very good is what I would call it. I really think you should leave the humor out of your articles, they might be a little better. A geography lesson for you, Oakland is in California so the 8 home games will be in California, San Diego is in California so the San Diego “away” game will be played in California, what do you know, 9 games not the 8 reported by you will be played in California.